What Now! (and how!)

There are several questions continually rambling through my head at all times ( yes, I guess you could say; I hear voices!) They are mostly my own. What am I going to do? Did I do/say the wrong thing? What am I gonna be when I grow up? One of the things I know for sure is... I'm just not SURE. I've been caught in this cycle of indecision for about twenty years. God save the people near and dear to me because if there is a right or a wrong way, I always seem to choose the incorrect path! It's been a very frustrating pattern, and I've grown tired of it! I must find a way out of this rut and figure out what would make me feel worthy of space on this Earth! Post haste!

No more bon-bons!

At the end of this month we will haved lived in Alaska for two years. For me, the time has been very lonely and has mostly passed with an aching slowness. The hardest part has been being separated from loved ones and friends. I never realised how hard it is to maintain relationships when the miles between are vast. Three time-zones away make it difficult to call at convienent times for those voices I long to hear over the wires. I haven't held a job since 2006, which on the surface might seem like a good thing to some, but I don't do well without the structure that a regular schedule brings. I feel somewhat useless and like I'm not contributing. Now after all this "semi-retirement", I'm going to look for employment. Finding a job in my current state of ebbing self-confidence is somewhat unnerving. I know biting the bullet and just getting on with it is the way to go. Once a job is secured I'll be fine and can make new aquaintences. All will be well, right? Wish me luck!

Ravioli-Schmuckaroli!

Well, once again I am a complete flop at food! Nine times out of ten, my attempts in the culinary realm are fun and successful. Other times..., well, just ask my kids about the brucetta that I so lovingly prepared for them around Christmas when I was "home" for the birth of my grand-daughter. Let's just say that it was memorable and leave it at that! Today I tried my hand at homemade ravioli. Talk about work! The recipe said prep time would be approximately 40 minutes (right!) and the degree of difficulty was easy. (right, again!) Not!!! Anyway, my vision of soft pillows of Heaven mentioned in my last entry were not to be realised. I know K. was disappointed as well, although he tried to put on a brave front and ate four or five of these meager excuses for filled pasta pockets. I TOTALLY destroyed my kitchen. To top it off, my ego is in shambles! I think we will be sticking to soup and sandwiches until I'm done licking my wounds. :( Time to do the dishes... I hate that part.

Trying to be motivated

I've finally managed to put most of Judith's items for her visit away. The car seat is still installed in the Suburban. We made a trip to Anchorage today (at my insistance!) in order to purchase a ravioli cutter at our local foodie boutique. They did not have the item I had in mind, and the sales clerk really had no idea or any sort of interest in why I was so passionate about this particular item. The inventory in this store was such that it was very possible that said ravioli cutter was in stock SOMEWHERE within the confines of the store. However, after perusing the confines of the shop, I found a couple of items that I could somehow make due with. I'm sure no one will notice that I don't have the right tool for the job when they are eating those fluffy pillows of pasta/riccotta/basil/roasted chicken goodness as they partake in that bit of Heaven. I'll be the the only one that knows! Anyway, the car seat makes a great fleece/purse holder! =)

Empty Old Nest

So, it's been four days since my daughters, son-in-law, and grand daughter headed home to New Mexico. The weather has pretty much fit my mood: grey and gloomy. I don't even seem to have the energy to put the house back in "order". By this I mean putting up the various baby items; the jumper-roo, play-pen/porta-crib combo, high chair and an assortment of 0-3 month age appropriate toys safe for my little angel. I can't seem to muster up the where-with-all to remove the car seat and stroller from the Suburban. It's like I'd be giving up my "Proud Gramma" badge. Then there are the the precious finger prints on the mirrored closet doors in each bedroom, and the gum and finger prints on the coffee table where she learned to pull herself up. At that point, she would then look at all of us in triumph as if to say, "I did it, and I knew how to ALL along! HA!" I'll clean house tomorrow . For now, this stuff makes me think that they will all walk through that door at any given moment, with animated stories of some local yard sale or small-town Sunday market... Bye for now. {:(

If I had a million dollars...

I'd love to have this property for sale near Anchorage, Alaska. It's the Forget Me Not Nursuery. While I am not sure of the acreage, it has a beautifully rustic home, a good sized greenhouse, and a loyal clientele. It is so peaceful and inviting. I'm sure I'd be in way over my head, but one can dream can't they? The only thing that would make it perfect would be to have it located in the Sante Fe National Forest near Cuba, New Mexico. That would make it near BOTH of my children. (Again, dreams!) Anyway, while the girls and Doug were here, we spent some time hanging out there and Doug took some AWESOME pics to help Karl and I reminsce the afternoon. Here are a few to share with you. I hope I'm not repeating too many that the Dougs have already posted on their blog. Love, V.

Life's Little Blessings

This is one of the reasons that I have been quite hap-hazzard with my blog as of late. May I introduce Miss Judith Evelyn Baber? I am absolutely IN LOVE! I think that I've finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up! My children gave me the greatest gift of all; time with this precious person. Thank you Jason and Michele. Thank you Doug and Amanda. The visit was fabu-lo-so, and a dream come true. It was maybe enough to tide me over for six months, (maybe) Anyway, more pictures from the trip along with accompanying posts soon. I miss you already.